Cosmos' Origins
by MiracleRomance
Summary: Sailor Cosmos is alone, fighting Sailor Chaos, who is now too strong for her. Fleeing to the past to convince Sailor Moon to choose a different path, she reaches revelations about the true incarnation of Sailor Cosmos.  Stream of consciousness style


I remember a time, lifetimes ago, when this form was not all that I was. I remember wanting to live as _a normal person, a normal girl_. But what does that mean? I remember wanting to live as something other than a Sailor Senshi. But I cannot recall what such a life would have been like. I am Sailor Cosmos, but I have been known by other names. I know this, yet I cannot remember what these names are.

The battle with Sailor Chaos has gone on too long. I feel that I have forgotten my true cause, my true goals. I am constantly at odds with Chaos, and I fear that we are too evenly matched. Or even worse, that Chaos is stronger than I am. I am growing weary of struggling.

I fight Chaos in order to protect the galaxy. There is one planet in particular that I feel must be strongly protected; it is a primarily blue planet, and has a single moon orbiting it. Its white moon seems familiar to me, though I am not sure why. Great warmth comes over me as I admire this planet, hovering in the space above it.

"_I love this world_."

I remember something. I lived on that planet, long ago, when I went by a different name. I remember being full of love, hope and passion, certain that my belief in others would protect that world, and the entire galaxy as a whole. I was so naïve then. Chaos destroys all hope, descending everything into disorder and confusion. Many planets, many Senshi, have fallen because of Chaos' power.

I try to keep Chaos from consuming everything in her path, to protect even the few other Senshi left who should be standing with me, but who I sent away so that they would not lose their star seeds to Chaos. It is a lonely path that I have chosen, but I chose it so I could protect those I love.

_Those I love…_

There were many who I loved, who I had promised to protect. But it has been so long since I have seen them; I have forgotten what they look like, who they were to me. Still, I know in my heart that I still love them, that all I have done has been for them.

_Endymion…_

_Mamo-chan…_

My memories are returning to me. I remember being loved, in two lifetimes. The first ended in tragedy. But the second lifetime… this life is still continuing. We promised that we would be together forever. I broke our promise. I did it to protect him, though he protested. He always wanted to be the one to protect me.

His star seed had been taken by Chaos once before, by Sailor Galaxia. So had those of my friends, and my guardians. There was a time when I was alone once before, because of Chaos. And there was a time when I fought Chaos once before, and when I could have destroyed Chaos before it had achieved its terrible Sailor Senshi form that I now must fight. I instead had chosen to keep the Galaxy Cauldron in tact, and to allow the star seeds within it to be reborn into the lives they had before.

"_No matter how tough, I want to live this life!"_

I was told by Guardian Cosmos that Chaos was dissolved into the Cauldron, but could be born again. I foolishly chose to believe that it would not be born again; or that we would be able to defeat Chaos with our love and with the hope in our hearts. I made the wrong choice. I should have destroyed the Galaxy Cauldron and ended all the suffering caused by Chaos.

Everyone I loved has either been destroyed by Chaos, or I have sent away, far away from me. Even as I speak, Chaos is destroying planets slowly. This galaxy has been destroyed beyond repair. I see no end in sight—not until the entire galaxy ceases to exist.

I look back to the blue planet, to my planet. But I look too late. While I was remembering my wonderful memories of that world, I should have been protecting it. Chaos noticed my moment of weakness, and struck the planet and its moon in one sudden blast. My world, my home, is destroyed.

A drop of water falls on my hand. I bring my hand up to my face and realize, to my surprise, that I am crying. I thought that I was beyond emotions, that I had resigned to the fact that I would fight Chaos until the entire galaxy was destroyed. But seeing my home planet, and its moon- where I had lived in my first lifetime, the Silver Millennium- get destroyed by Chaos returned me to my humanity. I am upset, and angry.

Screaming, I summon all of my energy and send a powerful blast towards Sailor Chaos- the most powerful attack I could possibly muster. Chaos is hardly affected, and I can see that he is taking great pleasure in the fact that he is now far stronger than I am. I am distraught, confused and have lost my will to continue.

I am afraid for what might happen next. My power is not strong enough to defeat Chaos. I cannot do this alone. I do not want the galaxy do be destroyed, but there is nothing more that I can do.

After retreating to a desolate, forgotten planet at the edge of the solar system, where Pluto once reigned, I begin to think of myself in the past once more. I remember, once again, that time when I was lonely, when Galaxia killed all of my friends, and I had no one to turn to for advice. If only someone had guided me to the right path, to destroying the Galaxy Cauldron, none of this suffering would have to occur.

And so I resolve, with the last ounces of my power, to return to that time and guide my past self, so that we may comfort each other, and I may lead her to making a different choice.

…

I am here, in the past now. I have taken the form of a small child so as to appear less intimidating, and Usagi (my past self) affectionately calls me "Chibi Chibi", treating me as her younger sister. I have tried to stay with her as all of the Sailors have fallen, one by one. I have stayed with her while she was conflicted between her feelings for Seiya, one of the Starlights, and Mamoru, Endymion's present self.

The time is drawing near for her to face Galaxia and enter the Galaxy Cauldron. Soon I will reveal my true form, and guide her to make the right choice. But travelling to this time has reminded me of so many things I had forgotten. It will sadden me to see it all disappear with the destruction of the Cauldron.

I had forgotten that I had a family, a mother, father and brother, here on Earth. I had forgotten how many friends I had, even people who were not Sailor Senshi. I remember now why I loved this world so much, and what kept me going on even as all of my friends were killed: hope. I had hope that I could make the world a better place, that we could join together and banish Chaos into the corners of our minds.

I am now realizing how cowardly I have been. I was trying to do what was easiest, by fleeing from my present and going to the past to destroy the Galaxy Cauldron.

By doing this, I am ignoring who I am. I became Sailor Cosmos for a reason; as Neo-Queen Serenity, I could see the dangers approaching our solar system. I saw that Chaos was getting stronger, that the peaceful people of Crystal Tokyo were letting doubt to enter their minds, and forgetting about hope and love. With violence taking over, and Chaos beginning to take on a Sailor Senshi form, I, with the help of the powers of my friends and my husband, became Sailor Cosmos, determined to bring peace back to the galaxy. I became Sailor Cosmos to protect life, and yet here I am, in the past, trying to have Eternal Sailor Moon choose to end all life rather than find a solution, because it has become too hard for me in my time.

…..

I am not the true form of Sailor Cosmos, not anymore. Eternal Sailor Moon, who has chosen her own path despite my urges, and fights only to protect life and hope, is the true incarnation of Sailor Cosmos. It is she who is restoring the order of the universe. I should have remembered that. I should have remembered that by sending everyone away, I was preventing my true goal, my true purpose, from happening. I should rely on the strength of my fellow Sailor Senshi- it is they that allowed me to attain this form, and without them, I cannot keep it.

My past self has chosen the same path she would have chosen without my guidance. I have decided to now return to my own time, with a new faith that has been restored in me. Only when I can act as Eternal Sailor Moon has can I truly call myself Sailor Cosmos. I realize now that nothing is irreversible. By relying on the support of my friends and having hope in our hearts, we can free the galaxy from Chaos' grips. By returning to the Galaxy Cauldron, I can release those star seeds that were consumed by Chaos, reviving the friends I had lost in the battle, just as my past self has chosen to do.

As I am leaving, I realize that there is so much of the future that I wish to tell my past self, and yet I know that I cannot tell her anything. I simply encourage her to continue to live as she is now. I will return to my own future, and yet I have faith that if my past self is able to keep love and faith in her heart, and continue to rely on her friends, she will not have to live this future. Perhaps, in her future, Chaos will never gain enough strength to become Sailor Chaos, or perhaps by not sending away her friends to protect them, as I did, they will join their strengths and banish Chaos to where it belongs- people's minds.


End file.
